A Beautiful Woman...Part 1

What is a beautiful woman to look like? How does she act? Where does her security come from? Can I ever attain to that high status? I won't even pretend that I might be the only one to ask those questions because, if you are a female, you most likely want to know the answers, too!

I will attempt to share the story of my search for answers! This is a process of many years duration for me, but I will write it as a three day event, to try to make it more readable!  I don't claim to be an expert on the subject. But I am finding God to be a faithful and patient Teacher!

Day 1...
It's another morning in which I desperately need help from God. My heart is heavy with foreboding once again. My whole body is weighed down with weakness, aching, and lethargy. I have no energy. I feel like I am under a heavy, debilitating, wet blanket. I believe the promises of God but am struggling to hold onto hope.

My little scripture card for this days reads..."The mountains shall depart...but my kindness shall not depart from thee neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee." (Isaiah 54:10)

Now, I believe God, but this promise seems so elusive. I just want to lay down in my weariness and cry. I cannot perform. I do not have much faith. I need the Holy Spirit to heal me. I need God's gift of faith. I need Jesus.

Some time later I went to read my morning's scripture passage, which turned out to be Song of Songs 2. I had been in prayer, telling the Lord my problems. After that, I cannot possibly be attractive to Jesus in my desolate state. But just listen to what Jesus says to me!

"My dove is hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff. Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant, and your face is lovely." (Song of Songs 2)

I can scarcely believe what I am reading. How can it be true? Is it for me? I am overcome with the love of Jesus. Yes, I have been hiding. I feel distinctly unlovely and feel what I have been saying is most unpleasant. But, wonder of wonders, He is calling to me! He has found me and I respond to Him by coming out of my hiding place and letting Him love me.

"My Lover is mine and I am His." (Song of Songs 2)

My mind says Jesus could not possibly say these beautiful words of love to me. But what is truth? I am not naturally lovely or pleasant or desirable or gracious. So many other women seem so much better qualified for this position of intimacy with the Lover of lovers. So I shrink back again, wishing and hoping to become more acceptable to Him someday, somehow. But what does God say?

Here is how I see it. Jesus, as the Young Man in Song of Songs is all wisdom, all God, all love, all truth. So I hear of this Man and go to seek Him out above all other wise and handsome and eligible men. I want to know if He is real and all that He's reported to be. When I find Him, I am overwhelmed with the realization that He is all I've heard Him to be and so much more. I bow down in worship before Him and surrender my life to Him. I forsake the other men, for I know He is the True Treasure God has allowed me to find. I accept the truth of who He is, and He accepts and loves me.

Later, I become afraid again, seeing all my ugly, plain, unattractiveness in comparison to Him and all the other young women around Him. A shadow falls, I run to the hills in sorrow, and hide. He cannot possibly love me. I can't seem to keep my act together. I mourn.

Then..."Ah, I hear my Lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills." (Song of Songs 2) These problems I have are mountains to me, but He leaps right over them in His mission to rescue me! Once again, I am captured by His love.

This is the brightness of what He says to me: "Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one! Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!" (Song of Songs 2)

It's breathtaking! Now again, my heart responds to Him. I come out of hiding, take His hand, and we walk together over the mountains and hills, into the beautiful, flowering, fruitful springtime! For there is no problem too big for Him. He is strong to fight my battles, and give me the rest and calm I need.

Jesus. His is the love that draws, excites, calms, delights, and settles me. I cannot understand it. I seem to go in circles. But it is part of this process of learning how to be beautiful in His royal kingdom. He is my beauty. I choose to believe, accept, and live in it again.

Alas, by evening, after a day of testings and battling under that heavy, threatening blanket of darkness and fear, I am just barely hanging onto Jesus' hand. I had a terrible headache most of the time and it was unusually tough to get through this day.

To be continued...



Comments

  1. Dear friend -I cried through most of it- For several reasons. I love you! Anne

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    1. It must be real to your life too! I want you to know I was so privileged to come to your house and can hardly believe I live just down the road from you :) Thanks for having me over.

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  2. Karyn, thank you for sharing so honestly and openly. I look forward to hearing the answers, for I too can relate to your struggles. I have always believed that you are a beautiful woman, inside and out, and you are!! You are an example to me in graciousness, humility and submission - beautiful inward characteristics that radiate to the outward of a Godly woman. Blessings to you, my lovely lady!

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    1. Thanks Brenda...you are a true encourager! God bless you too...

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