We Grow Weary
True, that is not the cheeriest title ever! But it fit.
The more I try to do right
the more trouble befalls me.
Have you ever felt like that? I have! Great grief and weeping assailed me just this morning. I don't know what the unseen and heavenly battles are but it seems the war around and in me is raging fiercely.
I despise the idea that I might be affecting too dramatic an attitude, but as I write so I feel! If I'm too dramatic, "Lord, change me."
"We grow weary in our present bodies,
and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.
While we live in these earthly bodies
we groan and sigh,
but it's not that we want to die
and get rid of these bodies that clothe us.
Rather, we want to put on our new bodies
so that these dying bodies
will be swallowed up by life.
God Himself has prepared us for this,
and as a guarantee,
He has given us His Holy Spirit.
So whether we are here in this body
or away from this body,
our goal is to please Him."
2 Corinthians 5:2,4,5,9
I have been made keenly aware that I am unable to properly deal with some of the issues facing our family. This realization is humbling. In my single and young-married days, I must have been singularly self-righteous because I can't help but recall my anticipation of the delights of certain aspects of family life (I am intentionally vague on the descriptions!) that I planned would stand in stark contrast to the struggles portrayed by other families all around me.
Dreadful, I know, but true! I admit I was quite adamant (at least mentally) that times of strife and rebellion, etc…do not need to ever be a part of our home. It would not be, in fact.
Now God is breaking that pride in me by allowing failure. Am I wrong to say that? I am sure some would argue that I am definitely wrong, fatalistic, even. But I begin to think I am quite ignorant unless Jesus illuminates my heart and mind. So I won't even answer my own question!
I will lift my eyes to Jesus, for He alone is my Wisdom. I trust Him to lead me through this stormy sea. Though I am frequently at a loss for direction, God is teaching me how much I need Him.
I cannot just place my ducks all in a row
and make them cooperate perfectly!
I have to live by faith one moment at a time. The scene is not entirely orderly. But if the end result is a reflection of Jesus through our little family, I rejoice in the trials.
Remember my fears about dramatizing? This is what Paul says along a similar vein in 2 Corinthians 5:13.
"For whether we be beside ourselves,
it is to God.
Or whether we be sober,
it is for your cause."
My conclusion is this…I will continue to hope in God for His perfecting work in my life! I know He is my answer for all of life's questions so I have every reason to rejoice in my trial!